HUH??

       My memory,,, WOW. I know it’s common to be forgetful when you have fibro, but just wow. It’s called fibro fog and you forget a lot. I think maybe it’s because im in pain all the time and so pain is always on my mind.

   So if I don’t concentrate on what someone is telling me or even what im doing I forget. Heck even when im busy running errands I’ll forget what im doing, where im going, or why I am where I am.

   One day I went through the line at Starbucks and couldn’t remember what I was doing there. I’ve even done something crazy like get in my car and realize I brought something with me from the house but don’t know why and don’t even remember picking it up.

    Sometimes I even go completely blank like my brain isn’t working at all.  Like I could totally be talking to a nurse or someone and be completely blank as to what meds I’m on or any kind of information about myself.

   It’s so crazy. Talking to someone and not even know what my point was. Idk.

    It just seems to happen a lot. If my memory were better I could come up with way better examples. ugh. huh, idk, lol I sure hope I don’t forget my name…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pooped

  So I had my nephew the other day. He’s almost 2 years old. (Actually next month, June 11th is his 2nd birthday.) So, he had said to me “let’s go for a walk” and so we did. We walked half way around the block. Then stopped at my mother in-laws for a break and ate an ice cream sandwich. Which was a nice little break for me. Then we finished up walking the rest of the way around our block. At some point toward the end I was carrying Kaegen because he didn’t want to walk anymore but, when we finally got home I sat there in my living room soooo ready for a nap. I was totally pooped. I couldn’t even get back up for a while. I can’t belive how wore out and sore that walk had made me. Ugh… My golly…. It wasn’t like we were speed walking. Which once again proves my point that doctors are crazy, because one of the things they say I should do is a little bit faster than a walk daily for 10 minutes. That it’s suppose to help manage my pain. WHAT?  REALLY? No not my fibro. It kills me. So try again doc…

People

   People always forget that I have fibro, which is a disability.   😦                                                                                   I can’t do everything that I should be able to do.         Like pick up or hold heavy things, Move things, and  Have energy. Simple stuff. “People” are always like hey will you? Can you? I need you to….Then because I’m so strong-minded and all. I will usually do whatever asked of me. Of course I pay the price later, But it’s hard not to do things that you know you physically can only shouldn’t.

   And then on the flip side of that is if  I say I can’t “people” get confused. They get this look on their face or in their voice. Like what??? Like they think im bull shitting them, but nope im not. I’m a disabled young mother. And yes it sucks… So when I tell them no and they get that weird look or sound in their voice I say, my fibro, remember? I can’t. Sorry. Then they always say oh yeah I forgot or I always forget. Which I do understand because I forget about others limitations as well, but when this happens to me I feel like im letting them down. I hate that feeling.

   I want to be all that I can and should be. I sure wish I could, but I am limited. So what I need to focus on is my happiness, gracefulness, humbleness, gratefulness , family, and my health. 🙂

Feeling better

   So, my leg’s have been feeling much better lately. I’m sure it has a lot to do with me not working, but I can’t help thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have quit. That I don’t want to give up so easily. I don’t want to be a baby. I also know it does cause me more pain to do it though. First my wrists just killed me. Like pain level 100 and then my legs were pain level 100. It’s just much easier to deal and or fake it to make it when my pain level is at least on the pain chart. 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Fibro just suck’s!!!  

Wheelchair

  UGH, My legs’… I hate them, I hate them, I hate them…

   So as I was trying to shop at the store today for thing’s we need. Food, house hold item’s and odds n ends. I realized I can barely make it on my own two leg’s anymore. It was so hard. I was in so much pain just shopping for my family. UGH, I HATE THIS… I held as much of my weight as I could onto my arms. which were across the cart. That way not as much pressure was on my leg’s. Which helped a little. But not really.  😦  Which suck’s because I like to take my time, walk the store and look for good deals. I’m not so sure I can do that anymore. I’m not sure how long I’m going to have use of my leg’s period… They just hurt so bad.                                                                                                            IMG_20170512_211119                            After I got into my car and began driving home I had a realization. I think I’m going to need a wheelchair very soon. Much sooner than I had ever imagined Especially if I’m doing a lot of walking. Like at the store.  I also should probably have someone come with me for help. IMG_20170512_211227                            This just isn’t fair. I’m not even 40 yet. What has my life become?? I feel so pathetic. So useless. An embarrassment and a nuisance. I just want to be me.

   Have I mentioned I HATE FIBROMYALGIA?? What a life I’m living. For the rest of my life. This is going to suck so bad. IMG_20170512_211254                            And people are going to look at me like I’m crazy and or lazy because I look fine. Well, other than the weird way I may be walking.

   I don’t know if I’m suppose to keep pushing and be strong or if I should cave in and get a wheelchair? I wish I had someone with answers for me.

   This struggle is so real.

 

Quit my job

   So, I actually quit my job this past Monday. Ugh…. Which I’m not real happy about because I really needed the money. I just don’t know anymore 😦 My leg pain has just been getting worse and worse. My meds haven’t really helped much and I’ve just been in so much pain that I broke down crying at work. I just, I just can’t anymore.

  FB_IMG_1485049801431 

   I told my husband who told me that I needed to just quit my job and that everything will be okay… Which I did. At this point though, I really don’t think I had any choice.

   I also called my doc which of whom I didnt even hear back from for 6 hours. Geeze. I guess we know who’s the chop liver to them. Thanks people… And his reply still was he don’t know how to help me anymore. Which I know he’s already told me but you would think he might try to help me. But nope. Nothing. But he had said that I should try calling the rheumatologist that he had sent me to for diagnosis to see if she can help me. (Whom I felt like didn;t really want to help me) and that they will call pain management first thing in a.m. to see if they could possibly get me in their office any earlier. Of course I never heard another thing from ANYONE..

   FB_IMG_1485090285186

   I feel so alone in this battle. I have no help.. I go to the pain management doc next month and I really hope they can help me or at least pretend that they care and are trying to help.

   I’m not sure what else to do. I know not working will help a ton but I needed that money. I hate not being able to help provide. Not having my own independence. I just feel like such a failure. Ugh,,, Mic , don’t think like that…

   So on a plus side the house will slowly but surely get a good spring cleaning. At least at home I can take my time and move slow. Plus I can stop and or sit whenever I need to.

   I’m trying to come up with a way to earn some kind of money from home. I’m just not sure yet. So here I set. My mind wondering about everything.  

   Oh, a happy thought for our furry family members. They won’t be home alone as often now that i’m not working. I’m sure they will appreciate it. 

 

Awareness

    So I was thinking, Id like to figure out how to get a fibromyalgia awareness walk in my state. I looked the walks up this year and there are only in about 5 states that have them. Which is actually very sad. I wish they were in every state. Awareness people awareness…A

     The closes awareness walk to me I believe is like two states away in Tennessee. If my memory is correct,,, buutt I have such a bad memory that I wouldn’t bet anything on it. Haha. 

   I sent an email to someone who I came across in a Fibro web page, but I haven’t heard anything back yet.

   I’m really not sure how to go about it. I know it has to be signed up somewhere and probably approved as well. With lots of organizing and advertizing or something to get enough people here to actually do the walk.

   I know I could post in different fibro sites and word of mouth and im sure there would have to be some kind of a site that everyone would have to go sigh up at.

   Any advice is appreciated 🙂    

                                                               ♥♥Thank you!!

Health Project

Screenshot_2017-05-02-12-02-38

   So, my daughter touched my heart ❤ the other day.        Especially because I figured my family is so over hearing about fibro because I talk about it so much, but it’s part of me. So my heart melted when I got the text message posted above from her during school hours that she chose to do her health project on the disease that I have. Fibromyalgia … Hopefully we both learn from her project. I am so proud of her!!!