This is my life

   So my last few weeks, I’ve escalated pain, lots of leg cramps or leg pain period. I feel like I need to stretch them non-stop to subside the pain. It don’t cure it but ohhh how wonderful the stretch feels while it lasts. 💚 

   but Ughhh the pain.  Plus the stairs are so hard to deal with. So I just yell up the stairs at the top of my crazy lady lungs to my children. How lovely. ☺ 

    I just feel like shit…period!    Weak and so so very sleepy.  Like I haven’t slept in days.  I just drag ass as I go trough my miserable days. When all I really want to do is lay down and watch tv until I fall asleep. 

   I just always feel like I’m non-stop on the edge of sickness and I often tumble over that line and do feel sick. 

   I just want to sleep. Not take care of others. Only baby myself.  Because I feel like I can’t. I just can’t do life. Just can’t do what’s expected of me.  I Just don’t have it in me.  

   Then I’ve been so emotional as well. I’ve been fighting that urge to cry with all my might.  I know nobody wants to see or hear that.  

   Me. Cry about my pain again…. my legs, my emotions.  I’m so tired. I can’t take it.  My legs need stretched, They hurt, I feel sick, I’m sorry but I can’t, I don’t have the energy, my body hurts.   Or hear me cry about my feelings.  I feel sad, I’m a failure, I wanna cry….Nope – nobody wants to hear any of that.  Hell, me either.  I’m sick of it so, I know everyone around me has to be too…

  I don’t know.  Ugh… Why is this so hard.  I can’t live like this forever.  My life hurts. Everything inside my skin hurts and is broken.  

   I hate it!  I hate this! I hate that this is my forever life… Why why why why?  

   Also to ad insult to injury – I have the psychiatrist issue.  I really feel like fuck it. I’m over it. I just can’t deal right now. 

   This is my life😢


10 Replies to “This is my life”

  1. Oh I know these feeling all too well. Feels like we are drowning in it doesn’t it? Not all the time but a lot of the time I have these feelings. I hope tomorrow or next week is a better day/week for you xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You can and will deal. You are choosing how you react and aren’t even aware of it! You are ‘coping’ with a situation in your health that sucks pond water right now. Get some tonic water for your legs, the quinine will help. Get in the tub with some Epson salt (1-2 cups of it) and soak. Take a couple Tylenol PM’s, I know you are already tired but it’ll ease your anxiety. And give yourself a break!!! You are going through a difficult time and this too WILL pass. Hang on and get those appointments made. You are in need of medical attention. Period. And there is NOT a damn thing wrong with THAT! You do not need to suffer like this. I’m right here, vent away, contact me, anything … keep blogging. I’m thinking about you. ~Kim

    Liked by 1 person

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