My Blog

   I hate fibromyalgia, I hate fibromyalgia…… UGH. So I’m still in a fibro flare. My whole body hurts. Everything, everywhere…                                   So I almost forgot why I started this blog, other than the fact that I love to write. It of course was because of my fibro. Which I’m not sure if you know that i hate. So fibromyalgia is really still new to me. I had never even heard of it untill I got it. I know my sister has had it for years and had told me probably a lot, I’m not sure, but i never even really heard her because I don’t remember her saying anything fibro. All i heard was something is wrong. I guess because I never heard of the word fibro so it just never stuck with me. Then back in 2012 I noticed something was different with me. Then I realized something had to be wrong. my wrist hurt when I write and craw or put pressure on them. I was also exhausted all the time. Everyone would always say that it’s just because I was getting old. Mind you I was only 33 years old. As time went on I felt worse, but just dealt with it the best I could. Then in the summer of 2015 My life changed a lot. We bought a new home which was amazing and I got custody of my sisters brand new baby boy Kaegen whom I call Boogie and or Jax.  🙂  I no longer have custody of him, but he is very much in my life.

Anyway after having him for almost 3 months I was in a lot of pain. The pain got worse daily. I was so afraid I might drop him because I had lost strength in my hands and dropped things often, I still do. I was in so much pain by august of 2015 that I would lay there and cry all the time because NOTHING would help take the pain away anymore. I went to doctor after doctor and had test after test. Finally I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. What the heck is fibromyalgia?? So I  researched it like crazy. After time I realized i needed to change some things in my life, the certain way I may do things and simply change the way i live my life.

I also like to talk about my fibro. I feel like I just want the people who love me to know what it is. To know whats wrong with me and I really thought they would want to know everything, but finally one day I had the realization that others really don’t want to learn about fibromyalgia. That all they want to know is my diagnoses and that I’m getting help. I mean they want me to be ok, but that’s about all they really care about. Although I had that realization it still hadn’t clicked that they also don’t really want to know about my current pains and issues. So, I would still talk about them. Like today. I’m in such a fibro flare. I’ve been having issues the last few days and every day I’ve gotten worse. My flare is worse today than yesterday and will be even worse tomorrow than today if I don’t get some rest. So I’m happy I’m off tomorrow.

 It’s so hard to explain what I’m actually going through. Everything from head to my toes hurt. I feel ach’s, cramps here and there, numbness, tingling, brain fog, exhaustion, emotional, tired,… ect. Bla, bla, bla….Best way to explain is to say that I feel as though I have the flu, But we know I’m not that lucky. I wish that’s all that was wrong with me. Ugh. I’ve followed all my medication directions during flare up’s. (I have different flare up directions to follow from my doc.),but a big helper to calm my flare is to relax. Relax, relax, relax. Which I had to work the last couple of days and we had our Easter holiday. So family things going on. Which I love, but  I have come to learn that relaxing does more for my fibro than I had ever imagined possible.

   Anyway, I had then realized nobody really want’s to hear about my suffering either. Which does hurt my heart because I already feel so alone and scared because I actually am alone in this fibro world. I always wish I could like put a blanket over the people who love me that would let them know what I feel for a day or even half of a day, but something so that they really know. Like a Harry Potter fibro cloak. Especially because they don’t even ever seem to care that I’m in pain and or hurting. Nobody ever seems to acknowledge that I’m hurting and suffering which hurts me so much. Makes me so sad and lonely. Don’t get me wrong because sometimes I get some kind of act of care, but not often. and sometimes my daughter will out right get annoyed at me for asking for help and mad once I demand it. So I thought Maybe I should write my fibro experience in a blog. That hopefully I can also help someone and or teach along the way. So I try not to talk about my fibro issues so much anymore and just write about it. Well I guess I didn’t realize I still do. My daughter who is so rude told me that she’s sick of hearing about how my clothes don’t fit me and I can’t find nothing to wear. That I talk about it every single day over and over.        (Which that’s due to my recent weight gain because I quit smoking last July.) Also that she’s sick of hearing about my fibro over and over every single day and that it’s all I talk about all day every day.Her little mean attack started because I had said I don’t feel good and she replied with ugh,  I don’t care and then she went on to tell me what I wrote above. So of course I cried. That really did break my heart. She then has the nerve to ask me whats wrong. I thought Really??? although I didn’t answer her. I just came to my bed room. Then I remembered that’s why I started the blog. To help others and to not drive the people around me crazy. So here I am. I truly hope I help at least one person.

Advertisements

Legs

My leeeegggggsssss. UGHH. I don’t know how much more I can take. They have hurt for days. I’ve been taking the extra meds for my flare up’s and using the topical cream, but my legs just dont feel any better. Day after day. This ach inside both of them. Especially my shin bones. And the cramps. Big and small. Pain 24/7. I’m just so sick of it. So sick of feeling like crap all the freaking time. so sick of exhaustion. So sick of struggling to live my life. So sick of all this pain all the f-ing time. So sick of this stupid fibromyalgia … I HATE YOU FIBRO!!!  I’m sure that lacking sleep doesn’t help me any either. Waking up at 4am for work is tough. I sure hope I get a raise soon.  Tomorrow’s Monday so I hope we are slow so that I can take it easy. I’m not sure how fast I can move right now anyway.

On another note. Easter was great! Family and fun. Huge easter egg hunt, food and games at my cousin’s house. They live way out in the country near water so of course I find ticks on me and I freak out every time. Ticks are my phobia . I just can’t deal. You would think that if you hear someone screaming that at least one person would come help me, but actually they all just stand there and stare at me. Every single time too. I hate to seem so wimpy because usually I’m not, but I just can’t help it. I hate ticks and they scare the crap out of me. Otherwise we had a blast.  Easter was great!! Now i’m laying in my wonderful bed with my baby Batman. He’s our black kitten. Well he’s not much of a kitten anymore. Growing like a weed.but he’S still my baby. Always laying on me.

Applesauce

    Image result for ApplesauceMy cousin’s baby shower was today.  Her first child. A baby girl. Naming her Willow Ann. How cute. She got so many gifts. Especially clothes. Yes we did play some baby shower games and one we played was where blindfolded children feed applesauce to adults. My wild child got to feed me. I knew I was in trouble from before we even started. I kept trying to switch children because I knew my daughter would take advantage of this opportunity to get me good and boy did she because as Soon as they said start my face was covered. I ended up having an applesauce shower. Which my daughter did on purpose. All she could do is laugh at me as I try to wipe it all off of me. Hopefully it helps my skin and hair. I did tell her that payback is coming. The party wore me out real fast though. Fibro tired. I found myself sitting in a chair feeling exhausted. So I knew to slow my pace as much as possible because I don’t wont to cause a fibro flare. They are the worst. Ugh… Now im resting in my bed. My favorite place.

So Freaking Tired

        Today was the first day I had to wake up at 4m for my new hours at work. At first I was alright. Then at 6:30 I got real tired , but finally it past. Then my food order came in so that kept me real busy for a while. I was just tired all day. Finally on my way home at 1pm I felt like I might fall asleep at the wheel. So I rolled the window down and turned on some music. Which actually did help.  I couldn’t nap when I got home. Too much to do. Plus my daughter had a ball game tonight at 5pm so I couldn’t chance sleeping through it. Which by the way was a good game. My daughter for some unknown reason swung the bat with only one hand and at the very moment she began her swing she said “oh crap” which everyone could here. It was so crazy funny. Everyone there was laughing. Coach said ” you’ll never see that again “. We will never let her live that one down. Ha ha. I’m finally home in my bed. My favorite place to be anymore. I’m so sleepy, wore out, brain fog feeling, and pains here and there. ugh. Guess I can finally close my eyes. Good night world..

$20.00

  So today was a good day. My daughter and I had a nice time shopping at Kohls and  then later she had a softball game. She plays for her school and I told her in the beginning of the season that if she hit the ball in the grass that I would give her $20.00. So guess who hit the ball in the grass tonight? Yep, my daughter and now I owe her $20.00. I’m so proud of her though because She really did play great tonight. I need to remember to take my chairs that I have for softball because them benches are so rough. I got my fibro cream in the mail today. I’ts for my flare ups. That way when ever I do have a fibro flare I can attack it from the inside and out. Which really sounds to good to be true. So I really hope it works. Well, I’ve got to start getting up at 4am tomorrow for work. The new management changed my hours. 4am to 1pm. Man this is going to be hard. Well, untell next time.

Snapchat

 

Snapchat, Snapchat oh Snapchat. Well first off I’m really not the greatest with all this technology, but I do try to do it. Sometimes my kids have help me. Which they think is funny. Well, from time to time my daughter comes and takes all these fun animal and crazy pictures with me. Which I love. Mostly because of the nice quality time with her because I don’t get it as much now that she’s hitting her teens, but also because it is fun. After awhile I see the pictures everywhere. I finally realize they come from an app called Snapchat. So I downloaded the app. I tried using it on my own, but coudn’t figure anything out so my daughter had to help me.  The last time she was helping me she went into a page of friend request’s that I guess I had sent out somehow. Which I still dont even know how to do. Anyway a request went to my daughters best friends single dad. I freaked because its just wierd right? So we deleted the request but apparently not in time. I guess he saw the request and was wierded out. Told his mother about it and she only said well, is she pretty and single. Which Im happily married. Well the kids think its the best funniest thing ever and only laugh about it.
Continue reading “Snapchat”

A Good Day!

So I had a pretty good day. Minimal pain. A lot less than a few days ago for sure. Had to take my son in to see his doc for a well check. Him and I ate lunch at White Castle. So yummy!! After our wonderful lunch we stopped at Marshals and got him a nice new pair of high top Jordans. He was in love with them.  :))                                                                Came home and my daughter had cleaned the whole house and done up all the laundry. She even cleaned up the yard. Such a sweet girl. I love her to pieces.                                  My sister and her youngest daughter stopped by for a visit. We had such a nice time. Talking about life, playing with the kids. She also helped me cook dinner and even taught me a few things. Anyone who knows me knows I can’t cook very well. Which is a family joke in my house. Honestly, I myself would even rather eat someone else’s cooking. On the other hand my sister Cheryl can cook great!                                                                              I defInItely was glad to spend time with her and my niece. I miss that. We grew up so close then somewhere a few years ago we drifted apart. But lately we have begun to talk on the phone a lot more and visit each other. Even doing things together. Which brings joy to my heart. I LOVE YOU CHERYL ANN!!

Never Ending Fire Alarm

Yes, the fire alarm and, the fire alarm. Yep that was my day at work and oh my it went on forever. So at work we have brand new owners and brand new management. well, someone accidentally sets off the fire alarm. The never-ending fire alarm… Go figure that nobody knows how to shut that thing off. My manager did try everything he could but nothing helped. He called everyone in the world but still no silence. Finally the fire marshal shows up to help. After about another 20 minutes of nauseousness they figure something out because it’s silent. YES!!!!  I hope to never hear another fire alarm ever again. Unless there really is a fire because I do want to live after all. 🙂 That thing ended up going off for a good hour total. I’m so glad to be home.

Fibromyalgia

People always ask or wonder what fibromyalgia is like. I’ve read that if you stay up all night and then you try to function that you will then have an idea. Or something like that. I don’t agree. That’s not even close. Actually everyone’s illness is different. So keep that in mind as you continue to follow my blog. I can only speak on my own illness.

I always wish my loved ones could truly understand me and all my fibro issues. I always try to explain the best I can, but no matter how I describe any issue im having I know that they truly don’t understand. They truely don’t have a clue. I really wish I could show them. I wish there was a body suit for them to wear for even just an hour to get an idea of what im trying to say. One of the best descriptions I came up with was well,, My daughter runs cross-country. Actually my son and husband both have as well, but currently my daughter does or is about to again. Anyway, so anyone who might have an idea of what running 2 or more miles is like may get an idea of what im talking about, but one day it hit me. Part of fibro feels like how you feel after running cross-country. That complete exhaustion, muscle burn, cramps everywhere, dead tired, cranky, thirsty, feel like your going to just die from all the pain. ugh… Yeah, fibro is  living that way all the time. With some more added issues of course. My medicine helps me live a better life. It takes most of my pain away so I can try to function as a “normal” human should. I’m still trying to figure out a better way of explaining and if I do I will give an update. 

Day off

So I was off work today. Visited my mom. Picked up my nephew and we went grocery shopping. He was so good. Bought him a stuffed duck who we call quack quack. ☺ Came home and my daughter and her friend started to help me get the grocery’s from the car to the house and as soon as we started our 2 Maltese dogs took off down the front sidewalk. We called them but they kept running. We ran after them and still they kept running. Finally our dog Chief ran into the road and right in front of a car who stopped just in time. Thank you Jesus! Chief then runs down the street holding up all traffic both directions. All this while we are yelling at the dogs to go home. Scared as can be. They both did make it home safe and sound. Wooboy. Then later why did I find my daughter still with her friend in my living room with glue and pieces of toilet paper on her face trying to make a homemade facial she seen on you tube. So funny and no it didn’t work. Crazy child of mine 😁

    Later they were watching a wierd show on netflix called Miranda sings. It’s so so wierd. So I pulled my glasses down my nose pulled my pants out and started walking all crazy. My shoe flying off only helped my act. The girls loved it. They laughed so hard. I said see, I can be famous too by being wierd and crazy. They loved my little performance. My daughter said she wished she had recorded it to show everyone. I guess I did good. Good night!